hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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