girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
