I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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