I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize