did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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