Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
