I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
