Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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