her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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