I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
