Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Houston, we have a blender
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
