What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There r osticjed everywhere
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
