Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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