My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
