My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
