so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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