Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
