How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
