I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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