How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
