..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
