I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
