So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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