I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
