nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My cat gives me a boner
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize