I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
