Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Green mimosas i think yes
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
