i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
