you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He felt like a one man threesome
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
