I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Randomize
