So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
