I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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