the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
