I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
