Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
