I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
