I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
and you said cock pushups were impossible
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
