She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
