Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
