At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
