then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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