weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
farters have to be the big spoon...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
