Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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