That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize