Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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