physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
