i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
