Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
nutella sex= disaster
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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