im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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