The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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