Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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