You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
