genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize