I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Even my vagina gasped.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
