walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
