I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
