it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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