I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
