I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
