if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
