I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
