just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The air was thick with penises
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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