Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
