I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
