i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
