I bet he comes in French.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
