College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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