Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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