Kiss
Puke
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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