I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
