we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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