forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
