So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
